I am a 50-year-old gay man living with HIV for the past 10 years. I want to share my story of positive change with you. I hope this story inspires positive change for individuals like me who suffer or who suffered from sex and drug addiction.
I was in High School exploring my sexuality. I met a guy in one of my classes. We started to spend time together out of school and discovered we had some things in common. One weekend he asked me to spend the night at his house. That evening changed my life forever and I would say made me the person I am today.
That night was the first time I ever locked lips with another man. As we kissed, I could tell that it was the right decision as I felt electricity go through my body. The relationship lasted until college until he went away and we decided to part ways. I was heartbroken. One thing was for sure: the rest of my life I would be in same sex relationships.
While I was in college, I continued to explore my sexuality with other men. I also had a job that allowed me to be more social. At that point, I still kept my secret from my family, as I was not ready to come out to anyone that I did not need to. A couple months into college my family started to question my sexuality. It was then that I decided it was better late than never and disclosed my sexuality.
I felt free but the results of me coming out damaged my relationship with my family. It was then that I ventured out and began living as a gay man in the city. I was not ready for what was in store for me. I started to frequent the piers down by Christopher Street. I heard how it was the birthplace of the gay rights movement. It was there where I felt my true self and unafraid. I met some more men and freely had sex in the open, as it was the gay place to be.
It was also there that I became a substance user. After all, from what I heard, all gay men had anonymous sex, did drugs, and danced until the early morning hours. This all seemed like heaven.
Being free and being me, but at times, I felt untouchable: like no one or any disease would rain on my parade.
In the summer of 2012, I became very ill. Everything started to catch up to me. I lost my job due to performance, my frequent lateness and calling out. I started collecting unemployment and then 2 weeks after that I went to the doctor, where I was given a diagnosis of AIDS.
My world caved in on me. I was heartbroken because I did not know if there was a future for me. I thought to myself, “what choice do I have?” If I die I won’t be able to watch all my nieces and nephews grow up. Even with all the partying, I always made sure that I was a part of their life. We had a special bond.
It was a long and hard recovery for me, but I never gave up. About three years in and out of hospitals, I was finally ready to be part of the real world again. In 2015, I found a community based organization called Alliance for Positive Change. There I learned everything I needed to know to live a long happy life as a gay man living with HIV. I enrolled in the Peer Recovery Education Program, where I was able to train as a Peer intern at the agency. At the end of the 8-week program, I graduated with top honors as a testimonial speaker and spoke about how the program changed my life. It allowed me to begin doing that for others.
My life seemed to get back on track and I continued to grow as a positive role model for other HIV individuals. In the 6 years I was at Alliance, I was on the cover of POZ Magazine sharing my story of the ups and downs of my life. I started to take classes to receive my certification in a new initiative in NYS called ending the epidemic (ETE) by 2020. It helped me share my lived experience living with HIV.
I am proud to say I was part of the first graduating class and became a Certified Peer Worker (CPW). I continued my education by receiving my Certified Peer Recovery Advocate (CPRA) which allows me to work with people that have a substance use disorder. I help them make a plan to reduce risks of hurting themselves or others.
I can say after over six years at Alliance for Positive Change I took all the tools given to me and used them to create a positive change for me and for each person I encounter. I could not be happier for the choice I made to live.